The Irony...

Alright....isn't it wonderful that the same month I decide I only need to blog once a month, I have blogged 3 times in the last week?! 

First of all, JT HAS HIS FIRST TOOTH! We just saw it on Valentine's Day. There was a day about a week ago that I did not think we were going to make it through. We knew he was teething, but I was so excited to actually see it! And I think there is another one coming in right next to it as well! So excited for our boy! He also received his first haircut this week. I don't think I was ready for it. I cried for about an hour after. He looks different and not so much like a baby anymore. It was a big step for all of us. Tommy was REALLY ready for it though. He kept saying, "He looks like Edgar Winners!" So...we did it for dad. I miss my baby's hair, but there is nothing I can do now! He is still my boy and still as handsome as ever. :)

Before his haircut....

After his haircut....

Tommy is also working really hard in school. He seems to really be enjoying is Communications class, which is his only class that is not online. I think he is doing an amazing job and working really hard. Poor guy is working full time, doing school full time, and trying to deal with a crazy wife and a teething baby who loves his daddy. I love my husband and I am so grateful for him and for the hard worker he is. I wish I could help him more and give him a break. He has supported me and JT a lot over the last year and a half and he needs a break. Since Christmas he has been rekindling his love for his trains. It's the end of February and his train is still set up from the beginning of December. He just is not ready to let it go yet. Which, I will admit sometimes frustrates me, but at the end of the day it makes him happy and gives him a break. So, I am trying to be more patient with him. He is getting pulled into twenty different directions and is blaming himself that he can't live up to the standards he has for himself. I, for one, could not be more proud of him!

Also, in the last few months, I have reconnected with some people from my past. Most of them are people that I had some arguments with before parting and, while I missed most of them, I was hesitant to open myself up to them again. Luckily, these ladies had the courage I didn't and reached out to me. I was wary, but I decided to give myself a chance to make things right and I could not be more grateful! Reconnecting with these women has opened me to some wonderful conversations and healing moments. I have learned things about myself that I do not know if I would have learned otherwise. I have not been able to see any of them in person yet, but I am looking forward to seeing them and catching up. There is an amazing beauty in forgiveness and I am very grateful that they were able to forgive me. :)

As a family, we also had the opportunity to celebrate Valentine's Day together. Tom had a whole day of surprises planned, which I must admit I am not the biggest fan of. I am sure it is frustrating for him when I get frustrated at his surprises, but part of me wonders if he secretly enjoys seeing me get all worked up about it. :) He's a good man. He arranged for his sister to watch JT and took me for a couple's massage! Which was amazing!! It was a real blast. I also had the time to reflect on how much I've changed over the past year. I was laying there, naked under the covers, and thinking, "Eh...I was naked on a table 8 months ago in front of WAY more people and totally exposed. This is no big deal." A year ago, I would have left all of my clothes on and told the poor massage therapist to work around it. haha! It is amazing what pregnancy and a c-section can do to a woman. I am proud of my body. This body made a baby. My body made another human being! And that is absolutely amazing to me. :) Anyway, after massages we had dinner at "The Garden" on Temple Square and it was DELICIOUS! Even JT was able to enjoy some mashed potatoes and bread. I always thought that I would have wanted to spend Valentine's without JT, but now I couldn't imagine it without him. He is a member of our family and has only ever added to the love that we feel for each other. After dinner, Tom had reserved a hotel room. It was amazing to have that time to ourselves. Even if we paid all that money just to soak in the jetted tub and watch the History Channel, it was time we got to spend together. I absolutely loved our Valentine's Day! It was beautiful and amazing and made me even more grateful for my family!

I guess that is all for now, maybe I will think of something else in the next couple of days! Haha. Now that I'm on a blogging binge, we will see what happens!

Not All That Bad....

Have you ever had one of those days where NOTHING seems to be going your way? Well, that was today. Maybe it was because yesterday was such an amazing day, that the forces in the universe had to balance by making this THE worst day I have had had in a long time.

I had to do the bills (which is never easy), I didn't have time to take a shower, my son was clingy (which I sometimes secretly love), JT promptly covered me in green beans, and my husband and I were fighting...and no, I am not worried about admitting this. I don't know a couple on the planet (especially a married couple) that doesn't disagree sometimes. And, honestly, that was the worst part about today. I hate fighting with my husband. It turns my whole world upside down. We rely on each other so much (I guess probably I rely on him more often that not) and it's hard when I can't rely on him as much because we are both angry.

So what do I need?

Besides chocolate and binge watching TV shows....I need to remember the wonderful parts of today. And, for some reason, blogging helped me remember those. I originally started this post with the idea of venting, but as soon as I started listing all the reasons I was upset, I was reminded of all the reasons I shouldn't be.

You know what else happened today?

I went on a two mile walk with my son, just to prove to myself that I could. And I did. :)

I also realized that while I may not have the body that I wish I had, my body can still do a lot of things. And I am proud of it.

My son crawled all the way down the hallway and followed me around the house. Which made me feel loved. :)

I played with my son on the floor and we giggled about life.

I finished my husband's Valentine's Day present. Which I know he's going to love... :)

I ate pizza. :)

And THAT is why today is really not ALL that bad.

Get Up and Try Again!

Alright, my friends...I had a bad feeling this would happen! I have been WANTING to blog, but life has been so crazy that I just haven't gotten it done. Are people allowed to change their resolutions when they fail? haha. I think I'm going to just amend this particular resolution to blog only once a month. Although I wish it could be more, sometimes I feel like blogging once a month is a miracle!

I also have another resolution I'm going to have to "amend". I did not finish a whole book last month. So, my only hope is to catch up by reading two this month! I already have another one set up and ready to go! Just have to finish the last 100 pages of the first one. Ha. Ha. Ha. :/

Well, first and foremost, JT is doing fantastic! He bring so much joy into our little family. Yes, we're struggling with money and  yes, life is not always perfect, but his smiles often help me to forget...at least for a little while! He is turning 8 months this month! I cannot believe he is already 8 months old! About two weeks ago he started to crawl. I was excited and terrified at the same time! The developmental specialist that comes to see him once a month to make sure that he is keeping up with milestones (just because of his rough start at life) said these words, "Stuff to work on.....he's doing them all already!"  :) He's getting faster at crawling (which caused an immediate and frantic childproofing event), he can pull himself to standing, cruise along the furniture, sit up on his own, and he loves playing and reading. He is happy and ALWAYS has something to say. He is eating more oatmeal every day, but following tradition, he is not loving veggies and meat. He won't take a bottle or a sippy cup (which is rough on mommy and daddy). Well, to give him credit, he does CHEW on the sippy cup and therefore get some liquid out of it, but he does not actually drink from it. He is also eating those little baby cheetos and star shaped puffs. HE LOVES THEM! He is just growing so fast!!! I am so grateful for my little miracle and the blessing that he is every day to our lives. I thank Heavenly Father every day that He let us keep our little boy.

Note: This is one of my favorite pictures ever taken by a camera!

We were able to spend some time with our friends! :) Two of our friends have a beautiful little girl that just turned one this past month. She is a fun little friend for JT and got him really excited about doing a bunch of "big kid" things! Two of our other friends just bought a cute little home. We got to go and visit for dinner. It is so fun to see them "growing up" and buying their own place. And it's an adorable home. We are so excited for them! It was really good to see all of our friends. Especially Liz and Jonny, our friends that live in Alaska! When they come home it is almost like they never left, but we miss them every day. And it was the first time that they got to meet JT! So, we were really excited for them to be here to take fun pictures with! I was even able to spend time with one of my best friends this past week. Almost a whole day...and it was amazing! Sometimes I forget how important it is to spend time with our friends. We wish we could do it more often, but schedules between families make it rough. However, when it does work out...it's a good break from life!

Note to Self: We need to take pictures with more of our friends.....

 So...I got a sewing machine for Christmas! And it's awesome. And I love it. But, to be honest, I didn't have much experience with sewing machines, so I went to a free sewing class! For Beginners. Only to be told that I'm struggling (even though I thought I was doing pretty dang good) and that SHE doesn't feel comfortable with me going home on time because she wants me to "love my machine". Look, lady...with all due respect, I will love my sewing machine with or without you! Obviously, I am not going to be as good as you because you have been working with sewing machines for more than half your life! I am just starting out. And I love it! And...luckily, there is a beautiful thing called the internet and an entire YouTube series focusing on just my sewing machine and how it works. So, thank you for teaching me what you did, but I will continue to sew and learn without you.

We also recently went to a movie theater for the first time in at least 8 months! Of course we had to take JT with us! So, we went to the matinee. Frozen! It was amazing. Although, if I\am being honest, all the hype made the movie a little disappointing. It just raised my expectations. We were worried about how JT was going to do, but he slept through most of it. It was nice to go to the movies again. I'm almost addicted to the feeling. I want to go back again and again!

JT and I also spent the last week a half up in Logan where my family lives. I've missed them. A LOT. They are my family and I want them to be able to spend time with JT so that he can know and love them as much  as he knows and loves Tom's family. It was AMAZING to be home! It wouldn't be a family reunion without some kind of drama...and my family always delivers! But once you swim through all of that, I remember why I miss being home so much. My sisters are my best friends and my brothers are my guys! And, of course, you can't forget Grandma and Grandpa and my Mom. I miss them all every day. Every single member of my family has carried me through something. I do not think I would be where I am without them. EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. OF. THEM. I needed them then, and I still need them now. However, traveling with a 7 month old is nothing short of difficult. After I had loaded our big truck with everything I could possibly think he would need for the coming weeks, I realized how little space I had to put in my suitcase! It is good to be home. Although, I will say that we had been gone so long that coming home felt like walking into a hotel room with all of our stuff in it!

This was taken a LONG time ago...but it is just so perfect! :)

Also...I have to admit something. I've had this really horrible feeling lately that my family deserves a better woman in their lives. I have always wondered if my husband deserved somebody that was less cranky than I am. :) And while I do the best I can as a mother, I wonder at the kind of example I want to be for our son we he grows up. Will I be the kind of mom that could teach my children the things we want to? I wasn't sure. So, instead of just sitting around wondering if my family deserved someone better, my plan is to be better. I want to be better my husband, our son, and myself. I have A LOT to work on, but I will just have to take it one thing at a time. I have made a conscious decision to love and be patient the people I don't always feel sunshine and rainbows towards. And, the more I do it, the more it becomes a habit. The more I try to look at the world from their perspective, the more I feel love and sympathy towards them. Anger disappears. It makes it hard to "pick a side" in the family dramas, but I feel like it will help me be a better woman in the future. And, to be 100% honest, I am not the best at it. I have to work at it every day, in every situation. The whole reason I decided to try this was because I've noticed that people that I used to really dislike and avoid are now some of my good friends. What made the difference? My attitude. So, why not see what else my attitude can do? :)

In conclusion, the Madsen's are living life and trying to stay out of trouble! JT is growing, Tom is working ridiculously hard at school and work while being one of the most amazing men that I will ever meet, and I am just taking it a day at a time. I love our little family and I can't imagine a life without them!